How Being Uninhibited Can Help You Find the Best Experiences and Partners
My friends know not to ask me anymore about my vacation plans.
“Well, I guess we will see,” I said, unintentionally coy the last time they tried.
They coaxed harder, so I told them flatly, “I really don’t know.” It’s the truth, and I like it that way.
I’ve always been fascinated with found things—pennies, ticket stubs, pressed flowers—and that makes me incredibly susceptible to any romcoms with airports, big cities or travel, which is 99% of them. But even more than those sentimental tokens, I am captivated by found experiences; the ones that find you spontaneously.
It’s my own little antidote for the anxiety that surrounds time. It allows me to leave the meanings of such occurrences to larger forces. When my only concern is where I rest my head, which also can be negotiable, then perhaps I may finally achieve that peaceful night’s sleep.
I must note that being spontaneous is not synonymous with being reckless. Safe decisions should still be made with proper faculties. Although this may become a different conversation if you are alone, and whether you are a man or woman, the goal is not dangerous unpredictability—it’s a trusting openness. Even in your hometown, where you feel secure, spending a night on a different street might allow you to find the same novelty.
A Night in Deep Ellum
Being spontaneous doesn’t need to be extraordinary, either, and in many cases it is not. One of my favorite nights exploring Dallas was typical. Without plans other than my hotel reservation that night, I walked to catch the light rail that would take me downtown.
I discovered Williams Cigars, a small tobacco shop on my way. The shop owner, William Rodriguez, a Cuban emigrant, gave me the tour while outlining his own history. I was all too happy to listen as I had no place to be. Afterward, I enjoyed an exquisite espresso toro, a popular infused or flavored cigar with notes of roasted espresso, sweet cream and hints of hazelnut or warm spices, in the lounge. I picked out a few to be shipped back home. It remains my favorite shop, and I have a standing order.
Walking back to the station, I made sure to pick up a few acorns for good luck. After arriving downtown and stepping off the train, I picked a street that looked busy and adjusted my course. I perused a few local art emporiums and bookstores, making acquaintances and enjoying the beautiful October weather.
Then Blue Sushi Sake Grill caught my eye—as any sushi restaurant normally does—and I had dinner under the glowing geometric light panels, which cast the feel of Tokyo nightlife throughout the restaurant. It was half off for service industry folk, and so I forced myself to have a couple more in my honor. After finishing my hot sake and hamachi, or Japanese amberjack, which is a tender, buttery and rich fish with a mild, nonfishy flavor, I continued on my way, albeit a little wobbly.
Heading further down the street, lo and behold, beignets! Above a small service window, a sign read: Le Bon Temps French Fried Beignets. While I swore my first would be from Cafe du Monde, I couldn’t hold out. They were delightful, as were the owners. Could there be anything better telling me I was on the right path than a deep-fried French pastry? Waiting in line, coffee in hand, pleasantly conversing with another customer, I was waiting for my next cue. She invited me to a concert featuring a local artist down the street, and I went.
Finishing my coffee outside and talking up the bouncer, he waived the cover fee and let me in. I left the show with a signed vinyl from the artist and a pen pal from Dallas.
Making my way back to the light rail for the night, I found a hookah lounge—another first for me—and enjoyed the last couple of bar hours in the fragrant haze of flavored tobacco and spicy Lebanese cuisine. I sat in Zatar Lebanese Tapas & Bar with its open windows and my own personal hookah, feeling like I had made all the right decisions that day.
The night itself, fairly tame by most standards, left an indelible mark on me for what it made me feel. It was probably the closest to nirvana as I had been in a while. A day without expectation, effortless and easy. I was given choices and trusted that I was making the best one at each moment. There was no disappointment for what I might have missed; only gratitude for what I experienced.
Why This Mattered for Me and My Relationships
Granted, that night was very low stakes. How could life not be fantastic if your only worry is where to enjoy dessert and cocktails? But it is that feeling of invitation that sticks with me, even past my own skepticism. (For the love of God, please do not mention the “law of attraction.”)
Spontaneity welcomed new relationships and strengthened old ones because it created engagement. During every single interaction that evening, I knew I had the time and space to be present. I could be active in each exchange; not anxious, not impatient, not controlling.
Being spontaneous is not limited to plans, it can extend to the ways we communicate, what we talk about, how we touch. It requires honesty and attunement, both of which come in handy when finding the right partner. I am reminded that the only force required of me at times is to simply choose—and then choose again.
